First day with oxygen

Well, yesterday, I spent a lot of my day with Apria Healthcare getting my oxygen delivered and learning how to use it.  And then, I had my very first experience in the public with my new set up.  I will be honest…I was extremely self-conscious and felt like everyone was staring at me.  Now, let me clarify… EVERYONE WAS STARING AT ME!!  It was very obvious.

A little girl asked her mom what was wrong with me.  I just interrupted and said, “It’s okay, honey…I just need a little help breathing”.  I just have such a hard time thinking that I am not just a normal looking person anymore.  I look very different.  Kids stare.  Teenagers stare.  Adults stare.  Heck, I would stare if I wasn’t sick myself!!!

I do have to say, though, that I am thankful that although I have horrible lungs I am still very capable of being out and about.  The oxygen really helped.  I walked around a whole store all by myself.  AND, without holding on to the wall and taking a break every few minutes!!!  That was a great feeling.

Prior to yesterday, being in public always made me feel extremely anxious and afraid that at any moment I will pass out…or that any moment I will fall…or that any moment I will lose control of my organs b/c I don’t have enough oxygen travelling my body.

My great friend Meghan’s wedding last week was awesome.  But, I spent most of it either in the bathroom holding back tears, or holding on to someone for dear life.  My greatest fear was that I would make a scene and ruin the day.  Now, I wish that I had my oxygen then.  That would have helped me enjoy the day more, and it would have given me piece of mind so that I could have felt a bit more normal then.

Anyhow, I start pulmonary rehabilitation next week.  This will help me to learn how to breathe better, and will allow me time to exercise SAFELY so that I do not become hypoxic again.  That is very dangerous.

I hope to meet with the lung transplant team in the next week or 2.  I know one of the things that I will be told is that I have to lose weight.  That is stressful b/c I have lost about 20 pounds in the last few months, but with the drugs that I am taking I could gain some back.  So, I am really working on that whole situation.

Anyhow, the support from my friends and my small family have really helped me along.  I came home from Cincinatti and my In-Laws had done a lot of work around the house and yard, my neighbor shampooed my carpets, etc.  I was so surprised and happy that others thought of us.

Thank you, God, for my family and friends.  What would I do without them?