Hi everyone. Well, today marks 14 days that I have been in the hospital. Time has gone by so slowly. I am not sure if today is the best day to write b/c I have cried at least 100 times today. But, I might as well. When I started this blog, I promised myself to be true to who I am, and I plan on doing just that.
So, I am still here. And I will not be going home until I get new lungs. My condition is not really great right now. Last week I had a lot of set backs with my lungs. Both lungs collapsed and still have the tubes. I have just had issue after issue it seems. The past few days have been quiet, and I am grateful for that. But, unfortunately, I don’t feel any relief from my shortness of breath or my breathing difficulties. Never in my life did I imagine there would come a day that I would feel like this. Ever. First and foremost, I miss my boys more than I ever thought it was possible. When Jayden comes up to see me, he is always so sad. The last time he came, he walked around the room and picked up my IPOD, my cell phone, my slippers and all of the other things that at home he has been picking up and bringing to me. He was so excited to do it too, and he told me that he wanted to prove to me that he could take care of me. (Here I go, bawling again right now…) He had told Jay that he thought that I was going to die and go to heaven, and he wanted to know if heaven was a long time. He is so unbelievably sad when he is here. It just breaks my heart into a million little pieces. Especially since I have no idea how long I will be here. The boys have been able to come up and visit me, but when they come, it is sometimes too much for me. I get so excited and happy and want to hug them and play with them, but I am just too weak. It is so hard for me. I can’t even explain the pain that I feel in my heart. And I find myself constantly watching little videos of the boys on my cell phone or on Youtube and remembering how much fun me and the boys had. It is torture to me. I don’t know why I do it. I just miss them so much and can’t fill that void in my heart with anything else. The boys and I are just really close, and not being with them is like taking that huge part of me that almost defines me. So, I sit here and cry and miss them all day.
Unfortunately, I am not able to walk much. Twice a day, I walk with a parade of people and machines down one small hallway. This is scary and very difficult for me. It feels like that 50 feet walk is a 10 mile race. When I look down that little hallway, I feel like I am about to climb the Rocky Mountains. It is unbelievably hard. And the rest of my day, I just sit in a chair. Or a bed. I can’t walk anywhere else b/c I am connected to so much. My days are very difficult to get through.
I am SO unbelievably blessed to have my “roomie”. Jay stays with me all day every day. His employer is so generous and allows him to work here in the room. The room has an office area, so he sits in his office and works, and I sit where I sit and do my own thing. And Jay is available for anything I may need throughout the day. But, he TRULY is my very best friend in this entire world. I am kind of like a baby right now in that I need a lot of care. I can’t shower or go to the bathroom alone, so all of that needs assistance of the nurses and Jay. The little things in life that I never imagined being grateful for, I can’t do any more. But, somehow, Jay just takes it all in stride and is being so incredible for me. I am so thankful. That is not even saying enough though. He is here all day every day comforting me and being my rock. I don’t know what I would do without him. Jay has to do things for me that no husband should have to do for his wife, especially at this age. It is humiliating and tears me up inside. It honestly gets worse and worse for me each day realizing what a burden I must be for him.
I am in a situation right now where getting my lungs is my only chance. I am at the very top 95th percentile of lung transplant recipients in the nation. My hope is that that means that I get them soon. I am praying for more faith to enter me so that I will keep my mind on the promises of God. I believe that God has promised me new life. Whether I receive a miraculous healing or it is a lung transplant, I believe that new life was promised to me. But, it is not easy when I am sitting here looking at all that I see all day. I am looking at my failing lungs, my weak body, and my grim circumstances…and the fact that I have no guarantee of where or when these new lungs are. It is just not an easy thing to swallow…So please pray for me to have faith in the plans that the Lord has for me.
And please pray for my boys. This is so hard for them, and I want to take away all of their pain and sadness…only I am an hour away with no way in which to help them or comfort them. What a helpless feeling for a mother. The pain and ache is my heart is even worst than the pain in my body. It is heart wrenching and a physical pain that I cannot describe.
Thanks for all of the support. I have cards and gifts all over my room, and they cheer me up each day. You are all so wonderful. Much love. xoxoxo
Melanie Putnam 
Melanie….May God bless you, Jay and your precious little boys. I do hope you get a set of lungs soon.
Oh Mel, Just hang in there. Your lungs are coming. I am praying that they come for you very very soon. Your boys are wonderful and you all need each other. Try to keep your strength up so you will be able to heal quickly after the transplant. Hopefully all of this heartache will be nothing but a vague memory because you will be so busy with the boys and your wonderful husband.
Sending you warm healing thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Nancy and Honey
Hello Melanie and family,
I just wanted to let u know that we are praying for u and ur family daily. I can say 1 thing about u that ur 1 strong fighter thats 4 sure. I am sure it seems like eternity before ur lungs arrive but they will come soon. God is handling as fast as he can. Just take care and keep the faith.
Hi Melanie! Your post brings tears to my eyes! I have only met you a few times and you probably don’t remember me. You are such a strong and amazing woman…your faith inspires me. My family and I pray for you everyday. I know God will pull you thru this, as you know He has great plans for you. The testimony you are for so many is amazing. Stay strong in your faith and know you are loved and prayed for by so many people. Love and hugs to you
The lord so was speaking to me about you missing your boys this past week! Praying so much Melanie!
Oh Mel…if only I could help you. I have been on my knees with God, asking for Him to take the next step now, to heal you with new lungs. I KNOW He has heard me.
Your boys are strong, beautiful young men and your wonderful husband is one in a million for sure. When you think of your boys, it’s ok to cry…crying heals.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow is THE day for new lungs. Please God…hear our prayers. Amen.
Love, prayers, good wishes, healing … all for you.
Hang in there Mel!!!!! This post absolutely broke my heart! Hopefully those lungs will be here soon!!!!! Take care xoxoxoxoxo
Melanie, you are full of faith, let it guide you. The love you have for your family was given to you by God. It is his greatest gift. He will help you through this difficult time. Think of all of the great times you will have in the near future, when you have your new lungs and can run and play with the boys! We are all praying for you and thinking of you often. Your new lungs will be here soon, I have no doubt. God has great things in store for you.
Melanie,
I am so moved by you an your husband and children. This is so sad I’m crying, yet you are so blessed to have such an awesome family. Your children will be stronger because of this and so will you and Jay. Nothing will be able to stop you after this. I just don’t know what else to say except that you are ever in my heart and prayers. Love you….
Dearest Melanie, My heart cries out for your life. God is faithful.
Deuteronomy 7:9-10 (NLT)
9 Understand, therefore, that the LORD your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps His covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes His unfailing love on those who love Him and obey His commands.
He loves you Melanie. He hears your cries and feels your hurt and pain. Hold on to your faith Melanie! Hold on!
Love Joyce
Melanie,
These get harder and harder to read (which is a GOOD thing-hopefully healing for you to write), but I feel the need to share something with you. I am a pessimist at heart (get it from my dad’s side of the family!), but my heart tells me that your lungs are coming. I can’t explain it to you, it’s just something I know. Hold on, they are on their way! In the meantime, we are praying for you. Deep peace and much breath to you today.
Heidi
Melanie,
I am a friend of the Jeannine & Jim and wanted to let you know how much I admire your faith and courage. I have been praying for you and your family and will put you on our prayer chain at our church.
The psalmist wrote, “May your hand (o Lord) be ready to help me.”
Psalm 119:173. The lord hears your prayers. I have a dear friend who suddenly became ill and needed a heart transplant. She was put in an induced coma and wasn’t expected to live. While she was in the coma she heard me and others praying for her. We were in the the Quad Cities and she was in Chicago at the time. She is home and working and still has her heart. God is listening!
Melanie, I am praying for you. You are an inspiration, your strength and courage are remarkable. God will take care of you, continue to trust in him. What a wonderful example of true faith you are for your children.
Melanie, thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. Reading your posts on here and on Facebook help me to put my own life into perspective, and be thankful for all I have. Benjamin and I will be sure to mention you tonight when we do our ‘bedtime blessing’. 🙂
Melanie,
I lift you up in my prayers everyday. God is so good. You are such a true blessing to me I just want you to know that. When I start getting down on myself I remember those words you said to me when you first met me. “Allyson don’t you worry about anything”…that was when we first met in your office at Office Team.
You have touched my life so much. Trust in God and remain faithful.
Love,
Allyson
Hi Melanie,
Hang in there! It must be so difficult right now, but I am sure the lungs are coming soon. I can picture your life after the new lungs–you playing with your boys and a smile across your face. Sending much love and many prayers your way!!
-Jennifer
Melanie
I went to high school with Jay. I have been praying for you every day and thinking of you about every minute of every day! I believe your new lungs will come soon. I know this is astoundingly difficult but hang in there, It’s always darkest before the dawn. I believe your “Dawn” will come and you new life with your lungs will happen! And when it does, I am for sure going to make sure I meet you! Your strength and faith is incredible and you are amazing!
We are all praying for you!
Lots of Love
Julie
Dear Melanie,
When I heard that you were in the hospital I was so hoping that your new lungs are on the way, but I guess the Lord had other ideas. But we all must remember that he does things in his own time and his own way, and that is so very hard for us to deal with. Yet you are there showing us the way to be patient and trusting and making feel humble by the strenght of your faith. Your light is shining to all who know you and love you. We will keep you in our prayers to continue to stay strong and if it his will that the new lungs are on there way ASP. May he always keep you and your family in his care, and make you better soon so that we can celebrate his love face to face.
Sieg
Hello Mel.
Just wanted to let you and your family know that you are in my prayers,I read your post and i cried along with you,my heart breaks for your boys and for you,I hope and pray that you get lungs soon and that you can be home with your boys to love hug and play with them again.. God Bless you and Your family..Keep strong,and keep praying!
Mel-
Ive got 2 church prayer chains praying for you jason and the boys my heart aches for you i hope new lungs soon so you can enjoy your life and your family if i could give you mine I WOULD GLADLY IN A HEARTBEAT… keep your head up sweetie i’m praying for you
Love Ashley
Hi Melanie,
I feel your pain, I just celebrated my 3yrs with my new lungs and waiting is the hardest. My children and husband felt so helpless and we really didn’t understand what they were going though till after my transplant and my transplant hospital did a research paper into how transplants effect the children of recipients. All I can say is have faith in gods love for you and remember the first 12 months with new lungs are the hardest. But as a mother I am sure you are patient and will get thought it. I can do everything I did before LAM took over my lungs and my children are now 12 yrs, 11 yrs and my twins are 6. So hang in there children are remarkably resilient and its hard for them and you now, but in 12mths you’ll be at home playing and running in the back yard with them. Hang in there and be brave. I will pray for some lungs for you.
Yours sincerely
Amy Evans
i cried so hard reading this, i don’t know you or your family but i have so much empathy for you, your husband, your boys and everyone that loves you.. I participated in your yard sale fundraiser last year and i wish there was more that i could afford to do now. I hope so much that you get new lungs.. you are the type of person that really understands whats important and you’re too young to be without your family.. i’m praying for every one of you. ❤
I dont know you at all, But i am very moved by reading your blog posted by a friend of mine. Just to let you know My family and I hve added you to our prayers, and hope you get the lungs you so need!! I cried right along with you reading the blog, please know you are an inspiration and our prayers are with you!!
You are definately a strong woman, and I idolize how strong you have been. You ARE going to get better, and you will make it through. You have all my prayers, and wishes that I can make. You have so many people behind you helping, and willing to do anything for you, and with you. All you have to do is say the word, and it is yours. If anything I can make things happen (even though I am in Vancouver). You are truely loved and blessed. Stay strong!! See you soon. =) and yes I did tear up reading this. A guy that cries I know.
Melanie,
Cling to your cross. You know, and I know, that you CAN do this. God has given you this situation to be an example of HIS strength, HIS power, and HIS provision. And Mel, He will provide.
He does not call the equipped, He equips the called. You are called to LIVE, Melanie. I have never ever met someone more … ALIVE … than you. You are His child, and He will keep you. He will.
During your time every day, read positive things. Listen to positive sermons. I even have some Joel Osteen Cds that are really good. Either way, fill your mind with positive and promise … because those are the truth, and your attitude is your greatest weapon right now.
So fight, Melanie. I know you’re tired, but fight. It’s in you, I know it is. FIGHT. Just like the time the fishermen had been fishing for days with no catch. And from the shore Jesus called to them to cast out their nets one more time. They were obedient, though exhausted and down-hearted, but they chose obedience over those two emotions. They cast out their net and caught so many fish there could not be enough mouths to feed.
This is YOU, Melanie. You are going to cast out your net again. Maybe once, maybe twice, maybe more times … and you will reap a harvest of blessings. I believe this.
I will see you soon, and please know that you’ll be prayed for often.
Love,
Grace
Dearest Melanie, not ONE PERSON that knows you or knows of you has stopped praying for you…you are on countless prayer lists and prayer chains. Rest in the arms of all of us who keep you and your remarkable family in our hearts. Love, “Auntie” Kim
Melanie,
I don’t know you personally but I know of you through friends and I get your FB updates. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I think of you and pray for you often. You have been through SOOO much and your strength and faith in God is inspiring. Thank you touching my life through your story. God bless you and your family and may you continue to find the strength you need to get through each day.
Melanie-My heart goes out to you and your entire family. You are such an inspiration to everyone by showing your strength and faith in God.I am sure you miss the fun times so much right now but as soon as you get those new lungs -you will be romping and stomping once again with your boys!No doubt in my mind that God has alot more plans for you in the future. Stay strong -andif you need to cry most degfinitely you do just that-crying does not show weakness-it shos how much you love your family.We are all praying for you and your entire family.
Melanie, we have not met but I work with Jason.I sent a prayer request for you to our minister at the Community Church of Barrington,Zina Jacque. She is a Powerful women and Powerful preacher. You will feel her presence.
Our thoughts are with you and your family. Art
Big sissy, you just love making me cry dont you???? i wish i cud take all of your pain and saddness away…..you will get these lungs!! and the lord will make sure of that!!!